Ah…! Here we are again: the quintessential Hallmark date… Coming up and fast: Valentine’s Day!
I can tell many of us have mixed feelings about this… On one hand, it’s a cool thing to celebrate Love and Romance, mating, and all that encompasses sharing dreams and pleasures, from companionship to hot dates. Sure. Who doesn’t wish for a little romance in their life? After all it’s so easy to let the days go by in a continuum of routine, having a special day to point at all the good in being two can be rejuvenating for established couples and boosting for new partnerships. No doubt.
I love Valentine’s cards and gifts myself. Special outings, bubbles, candles, earthy delights, sweet words… Yes. And a lot of women I know are with me on this. They love it and they’d like more of it. Anytime. Out of the blue. For no reason other than being cherished. Not because it’s February 14. We want to be adored. It makes us glow. But I get sidetracked here.
There is another component to the scheme. Pressure. On the guys who have no clue about what is it really that SHE wants… On the wives, willfully or not calibrating their spouse’s interest through what he’s going to come up with. (And I don’t mean to fall in mainstream man/woman pairing, of course this is applicable to all kinds of couples). On any lover, not knowing what is expected by their lovee… There will be expectations, disappointment, happy surprises, ecstasy sometimes, lots of sex will be hoped for and some will be achieved… some gifts will be thoughtful and perfect, bringing a touch of wonderful in the moment and great memories for the future. Some will be less skillful…
No matter what happens, it will be noticed. Hoped for. Judged by. Cried upon. Shrugged off. But most everyone will be aware Thursday that it is Valentine’s day.
All the singles who don’t want to be so will either look for a date or burrow away, wishing someone would find them special. The ones who lost their spouse will think about past Valentine’s shared with them. A certain number of us, unfortunately staying in unhappy relationship will acutely feel the cracks in it…
But there is the thing: what if… what if my main Valentine’s date was to be with myself ? What if all other relationships I can have were calibrated by how much love and esteem and gentleness I can come up with toward Me ? Is that an egotistic view ? Is that too far stretched ? Is that somewhat disturbing…? Well..
I do firmly believe that our external relationship with anyone in the world around us, including our finding a mate, depends primarily in our ability to see the good and the beautiful in ourselves. I do believe that self appreciation and self esteem permit us to look at the world with more gentle eyes. And I absolutely experienced for myself that the more I can be emotionally self reliant, the more I can share with other beings and feel safe and happy doing so.
That doesn’t mean I think we should all live by ourselves and be single. Nope. That means if I wish for a grounded, honest, durable relationship with another one, I have to not put so much pressure on them as to make my happiness depend on the relationship. That means having a partner, a good partner, the right partner for me, participates to my happiness and enriches my life, but that I can definitely stand on my own two feet if I am alone, and still be content. And joyfully open to whatever is possible.
Thursday if there is a special someone in our life and we can show them our appreciation and our love, let’s do it in the most thoughtful way we can think of. Let’s put the nice china and the candles up and celebrate. Let’s go around finding the gift that talks for us. It could be as simple as beautiful stone or handmade card, or anything that seems to be IT for that matter… it just needs to be full of meaning, and carry our willingness to be vulnerable to one another.
If there is no special someone, however, there is no need for sadness or depreciation, or negativity about it. Forget about the trendy stuff and the Hallmark junk… Get yourself something nice feeding your body and your soul, revel in your own freedom, celebrate your uniqueness… Or think about sharing it with a good friend, a grand mother, a sister, someone meaningful to you who might be single too and would adore having your company !
If you do have someone trying to please you, do not brood over past bad dates or clumsy partners. Do not mind the mindlessly grabbed red roses and chocolates on the way home… Some of us are good at this and some are not. And it’s all right. Show them how to do it, maybe they’ll get it. Maybe not. But most of all, be kind, be aware, be honest, sit with yourself for a minute and appreciate what is You, what Life is all around you, and the constant flowing of it through you… Marvel that you are alive and that Life is always your lover, and give it back…
Let’s make this a special opportunity to Love and to Wonder… all about Life. All that is us. All that is around us. All that can be if we let it…
Happy Valentine’s Day ! I send love to you.
More later…
